I’ve been avoiding writing my own thoughts in here for a few days now. Its been a hard time lately, and i have not wanted to talk about it. But i would be denying my own journey if i did not write them eventually. Like all things in life submission is not all hugs and puppies( or rather whips and cuffs;) ).

I am on a last warning by Mistress, or she will remove my collar. I fully accept this and accept that i deserve this. I have a certain amount of duties to fulfill daily and i have not been. I have been forgetting one quite regularly. I have received several punishments of various kinds over this and none have helped to my shame. I never did quite learn the lesson. Until a few nights ago As you all know if you have read previous posts, a great fear of mine is losing my collar. So that was my punishment.. I thought Mistress would remove it i really did. I trusted her and i knew she was doing it inlove. And i clung to that even though i was dying to run away and not deal with it. I cried. I cried and felt something inside me crumbling. But it is a lesson I will never forget, and for that i thank Mistress from the bottom of my heart as i know it was a hard punishment to give. I am sorry it had to go that far Mistress

I also want to add a thank you here for Mystress Swan for her suggestion of a physical reminder of both my duty to Mistress and that for me and my daughter too. I now wear a bracelet and it reminds me everyday. I managed to find a picture of a similar bracelet. I shall try and take a picture of mine soon but here is an idea of the one i now wear.

Mine is a little different. The pink beads are rose quartz and lighter, there are more green beads than pink and the white beads are porcelain with lille flowers painted on it. And instead of the silver clasp there is a gold filigree heart.( its much prettier)

There was much reassurance after the punishment that i am still wanted and loved and that as long as i am good my collar will remain. Mistress does not wish to remove it.

And in the days that have followed i have remembered all my duties, and been a person of strength for Mistress and brother. All i want to be is pleasing. No matter how my preference to being Dommed is, all i wish is to please.

i found this on a forum today an di wanted to share it. I dedicate the sentiments in it to Mistress as my own.

Allow me the strength to answer questions i cannot fathom.
Allow me the spirit to know Her needs.
Allow me the serenity to serve Her in peace.
Allow me the love to show Her myself.
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Her.
Allow me the light to show us the way.
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Her.

Let me be able to show Her my love of my service each day.
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Her.
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman.
Let me learn to please Her, beyond myself.

Grant me the power to give myself to Her completely.
Grant me the strength to please us both.

Permit me to love myself, in loving Her.

For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make Her life complete, as She makes mine.

Mistress said something to me last night i want to share because it is deeply important to me, gave me so many feelings. An immensely deep sense of her power over me, her caring for the journey that we share together, and through that complete power, a sense of comfort.Love. And arousal.

” I keep finding blogs that are relevant to your journey and ones relevant to mine and we are both on a journey sarah, mine however is to control you, yours is to submit to me, and you will, completely.
At times you will be like that little slave girl you’re reading about today with such zeal, at times you will be like persephone wearing little girl clothing, sitting in that space that only you can create with your cuteness i so love and at times you will be my pure slut, doing everything EXACTLY as I say to whomever I say, being a sexual slave to me and all my desires and I know these words excite you.” My Mistress..last night on instant messenger.

I love how Mistress brings all of these things out in me, some of which have laid very dormant in me.. If you’ve read previous posts you will understand about the little girl part of me. I love that we are taking this journey together and that she accepts every part of me, thinking it beautiful.. Even some of my more ungracious moments..:P

“but you will always on the face of things to the public, even in your rants and little girl tirades, be beautiful to me. And if you’re not to others, then I will make a public display of that, such as in that blogpost that I’m considering.“( Mistress on instant messenger)

Mistress is referring there to a protected post i made ranting about things. I was a very sulky little girl that night and let a lot out. I hope she doesn’t make it public i really was a sulky thing that night and it is rather embarressing to say that.

“There are still sides of me you haven’t seen yet girl… *grins*
i can imagine your pretty face all scrunched up as you perform for me so many miles away“

Oh that made me shiver. I want to see every side of Mistress. I want to completly submit doing all her whims, even those I havn’t seen. I can’t imagine what i have yet to see and that anticipation makes me catch a breath with every speculation i make to those unseen sides of Her. I want her to completely humiliate me, i want to be used, i want to be her sweet little girl, her slut and all else she wishes me to be.

I’m a very happy girl to be owned by such a wonderful caring Mistress.

little girl with many sides to my nature.