I wonder how many other submissives in this whole wide world out there find when things aren’t well with them that punishment is cathartic. It lets it out. I have heard examples before, of pushing and pouting, and actions of disobediance just to get that cathartic release of the act of punishment. I find it entirely selfish. Yet i do also know that cathartic release. I have used it in the past. It grounds you, releases the negative , and honestly lets you let go of it all as you lose yourself to the control of another. Usually the harsher the treatment the better. Sometimes the way you let go of that isn’t easy. There may be tears * not at the punishment necessarily*, they may be screaming , begging for an end to the punishment( again not because of the punishment but because you are letting your emotions out in it). Its a release. A huge potent one for a submissive. It’s like a crying screaming fit in the midst of grief for a none submissive. That place i have mentioned and others have mentioned.. That submissive space; it taps you into it. . And, from what i have read, experienced or talked about with others.. It can help to release things.

I suppose i am trying to describe it because yesterday a huge change came for my Mistress Brother Eros and myself. My sister, Mistress’s first girl, gave back her collar. She had good reason, she has a life that she was torn in and she needed to do the right thing for her and her husband. I wish her true happiness and i will always love her and consider her my sister. But since yesterday i have been lamenting her loss, and the loss of the things we did together. I find myself wondering about changes. No more mayhem, no more little w/l fairys, no more mad girly silliness between us like it was, running around with lace and ribbon.. And it saddens me, leaving something inside right now that isn’t quite filled, though will be with time to heal.

What are the roles of those of us left now?Mistress’s role is the caring, nurturing, stern, wise, sensual Mistress, soft spoken and Dominant. Controlling, and loved. I find Mistress’s the only role i have trouble musing over. I know what is in my heart, i know how she fires my devotion, how the energy of her Dominance melts into me, how my need to please her, want to care for her and serve her every need is immense. I know i wish to be pleasing to her, i do so love her praise. It is hard for me to put her role into words because i do not understand how Dominance drives a person and Mistress has so many facets of personality that it would be like trying to classify a diamond.. I’m not qualified.

Brothers role is that of the firebrand, the erotic stallion, the one who revels in the act of entertainment, dance for Mistress’s guests and to be ever pleasurable to Mistress. Perfectly groomed, always well tended too and oozing male sensuality and fire. The protector, the defender and the burning of static bridges in a way with that fire of his.

And then me, Mistress’s little girl, always to be pleasing in form, beautiful in words actions and deed. The one who can shift to fit what is needful, I am Mistress’s pleasure slave, her wanton slut, i can be just as entertaining as brother given the right pushing. I have a need, a thirst for violation and control as well as caring and nurturing and yet i am placid, calm, i flow into the right space though at times i get easily lost and need pulling back in. I am the water to brothers fire.

I remember this quote from Memoirs of a geisha ( one of my favourite films)

“My mother always said my sister, Satsu was like wood. As rooted to the earth as a sakura tree… But she told me I was like water… Water can carve its way through stone. And when trapped, water makes a new path.”

To me this kind of sums up my thoughts on me and my sister sakura. She was always the calm, rooted one, always dependable, always devoted. She never forgot her tasks.. Something i am quite bad at. In fact more than once she reminded me. And then there was me. I have this ability to flow into being what is needed. Because of that i think i am just coming to understand the nature of my submission now. Will i find myself flowing into sakura’s role too? Taking up the space she left, in as much as her role anyway. Noone will ever replace her.

I miss sister, i miss the fun we had. I feel a little emptier without the messages she would so often send the fun we would have searching for gifts to Mistress. Our laughter. Our understanding of each other. You are loved big sister. Be happy in your new place.

Because of the way i deal with loss i have not yet fully dealt with this and though i understand what has happened and that changes happen in life and must be moved on from i have not yet let go. The tears are yet to be cried.

little girl