What’s the item of clothing in your wardrobe that makes you feel sexiest?

The outfit that makes me feel sexiest right now is my black satin shirt and my purple satin with black lace panties.

What’s the most sensual activity you take part in that does not involve human contact or sexual pleasure?

I think the most sensual thing i do now that does not involve human contact or sexual pleasure is the act of eating. The feel, smell , taste of foods can  combine together to a heady experience. Who hasn’t seen those adverts for ice cream, or chocolate or even coca cola that hasn’t used mankinds sensual relationship. For example, imagine the feel of ice cream, that ice cold kiss on your tongue, and as it slides down your throat, the taste melting onto your tongue and  your mouth warming up your ready for the next spoonful.

What three people have had the greatest influence over your sexuality? (Whether you’ve ever had sex with them, or even met them, is not the point.)

Mistress has helped me grow in my desires, my fantasies and my sexual wants. She has opened me up to so much and i am grateful.

Dita von Teese

Phaedre no Delauney ( a character from a book written by Jaqueline Carey)

What sexual activity could you happily swear off for the rest of your life?

I actually can’t think of any right now i would happily say goodbye to for the rest of my life. I think its a very case by case thing and depends on the mood, the partner etc.

When does your libido tend to peak?

It seems to be around the mid and end of the month.

What are you ashamed of?

Only Mistress knows that

What do you regret not doing, sexually? (As in, what situation would you go back to and re-do if you could?)

I think that would be the first time i was with a girl. Her name was sara. She was this beautiful willowy girl with red hair and green elven like eyes. She was engaged and in an open relationship with  a guy that i had also played with. It was our first threesome and he had ordered me to focus on her. She was laying on the bed, hair all splayed out beneath her, flushed and writhing as i had just gone down on her and he handed me her strap on and told me to take her. I slipped it on, adjusted it as i was bigger than her but as i was sliding the cock inside her i pushed at slightly the wrong angle, she yelped in pain and i froze up. I couldn’t carry on. I wish now i had had the confidence to laugh it off and carry on.

What are your hard limits when it comes to sex? From there, what’s the closest thing to a hard limit that you’ve got where there’s still a teensy bit of wiggle room?

My hard limits are scat and certain types of age play. I do not and will never do the mummy daughter, daddy little girl thing during a scene. I don’t and won’t do diapers or infatilism. Some age play i do like, i do have a very .. little girl streak in terms of behaviour as Mistress and anyone who reads my blog will know. Watersports used to be on that list.. however.. i think there are certain things in the watersports category that are a grey area for me now.

What would your perfect sexual partner be like?

Mistress! No question *grins*.

What book has most influenced the way you feel about sex?

Kushiels Dart by Jaqueline Carey. It was the first book i read that involved D/s and S and M and it has heavily influenced the rest of my sexual life and the acceptance of what i was.. a slave. There are still things in that book that remain and are some of my deepest fantasies.

What film scene (that did not appear in a porn film) has aroused you most?

The scenes from Eyes Wide Shut ( i’m sure we all know the ones.The masked ball. Its not so much the occult ritual part, its the eroticism, the sensuality of the whole scene. The music, the masked anonymity ( masquearade balls still remain one of my biggest fantasies). I could not find a version in english but the words don’t so much matter.Its the inhibition and exhibition.

If you were to write up a sex CV, what would your three most recent jobs be?

Burlesque dancer( i would loooove to do that)

Whipping Girl

Loaned out slave ( Loaned out by  Mistress of course)

What would you love to do, sexually, that you never expect you will actually experience? Why? And why not?

*giggles* i think the whole masquearade ball fantasy of mine. Its not a very likely thing.

If you were entitled to someone’s service for one full week, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and all that person wanted to do was please you in any way you wished, what would you have them do, sexually or otherwise?

*blinks* I don’t think i actually could. I would want to be the one serving. I suppose i could order them to have me please them for the week as it would be the thing most likely to please me.

What kind of music do you find the most likely to get you in the mood?

Has to have a sensualness to it, in voice, in beat etc. For example Garbage- no. 1 crush

What do you want to learn, sexually, that you haven’t had the chance to learn yet?

How to please Mistress in person.

In a sexual situation, what act(s) would someone have to do in order to make you say “no” and immediately leave the room?

Anything involving scat, animals, children.

List three things that would feel nice on your feet.

shoes

stockings

a massage

What stereotypes, if any, are actually true about you?

I have NO idea. I think that would be a question to ask someone else about me.

Where do you go when you want to feel safe?

In my bed, under my duvet.

What five activities are reliable sources of pleasure for you, sexual or otherwise?

Serving Mistress in whatever way She deems fit.

Being taken from behind.

Being licked out.

Massaging someone i care about.

being flogged, whipped etc.

A large number of my blog list are about male submissives, either written by them or by their owners. In Mistress’s various searches for the right male slave i have seen and known many.

I am slowly coming to the conclusion that they are pretty much a completly seperate species than female submissives. They baffle me. Sex seems to be the key component in containing them, many of the blogs i read.. in fact all but one that involves a male submissive seem to show heavy use of chastity devices like this..  clicky the linky.

For males it seems to be the denial of orgasm or in fact any sexual activity that controls them. In fact i read in one blog and i can’t remember which one now about the male need to orgasm every now and then to prevent ” blue ball” and about letting the male slave in question sit in the corner and stroke one off every now and then to prevent physical problems.  That kind of tone in saying that makes me think of male subs as no better than a primate in some extent.

Female submissives however… its an entirely different thing, working on emotional control, physical control, whipping, flogging, assplay and internal enslavement. The change in the female submissive which trains them to replace their own will of that of their owners. The wish to please and do as the owner wishes above her own desires. For a female it does not give any physical problems if orgasm is denied however never in any of my blogs does the owner of a female completly take control of the females sexuality to the point of using it to solely control the submission. Owners of female slaves seem to want to engage, humiliate and bring their good girl and turn her into a depraved harlot for their own use.It is emotional control that is used to control the female slave. The teasing and threat of physical discipline, teasing, dissapointment love and the need for the Owner.

Pictures in blogs by Female Dominants of male slaves that i have seen seem to be in the vain of belittling and turning to humour a males sexual desire and the action of wanking. Yet for those that control a female slave it seems to be pictures of the slave showing of their femininity, the beauty of slavery and pictures in physically pleasing poses often accompanied by marks on the slaves body.

Are male slaves really so led by their dick and sexual desire. Do they really get off on being complelty belittled? In all the blogs i have read of male submissives they are married and have Mistress wives. That prompts me to another point… Can men only really be truely submissive if married or having a life long commitment to a relationship with their Female. And honestly i can say this.. apart from those who partake in the club scene all the male slaves/subs i have known or read about do need that.  They get jealous or possesive of other males. However those who deal with cuckolding…. maybe its just me, but they are all married to the Woman.

Those who share in a poly relationship however seem to be different.. Or at least capable of sharing in a relationship. Though most often with a secondary female. But then.. women aren’t posed as a threat. Why is that? does it really come down to the fact women traditionally cannot penetrate? Because quite frankly these days that is just *not* true. Women can penetrate just as much as a male.. Thanks to innovation in strap ons we can even ejaculate now. No longer are toys just consigned to being inflexible rubber beasts, you can now get ones that act and imitate the movements of a real male penis.  I would think the threat from another female would be greater because of the wielding of all amazing, all visually pleasing, vibrating, thrusting, spurting toys and strap ons.

Do men need the reassurance of love and a kind of possesion over their Owner? Because i am coming to the conclusion that they are. I am also coming to the conclusion that love, and the desire for sex can affect complelty a males ability to be submissive. And is a males need for love and a named kind of possesion.. ie relationship, partner, husband.. on an equal level needed too?

You know what? Women masturbate.. we use porn, we sit and eye up males , and other women as the case may be ( at least with me), we are sexual creatures too and yet we don’t lower in mental capacity to that of a primate when we have been denied. We don’t *need* sex.. the denial of, the act of.. etc to be controlled. We don’t need to be so reassured in love that we are raised even just in name to the status of an equal.  I don’t get why men do. It annoys me actually.. I hate the generalisation.. but even the smartest man is led by his dick. ( Or seems to be).

If i went around doing that ( or rather my sexual drive and my clit rather than dick) it would not impress or be seen as good behaviour. If i got frustrated because i could not stroke the sausage.. or touch and enjoy my owner physically i would be punished.. With men.. its expected. Seems unfair to me. Women have the same desires as men. I know i have the same desires to want to touch and please my Owner, i want to feel Her skin, i want to lick Her, i want Her to have Her way with me, i want to know i am loved and good enough for Her, i have the same desire to be inside Her that any man does.

It really bugs me when men get special treatment because of that primate dick led reaction.

I don’t mean to come of as pissed off lesbian or feminist. I realise i might. I love men ( well certain men), i love sex with men etc.  but it kind of bugs me about male submissives.. especially the notion that men need breaking in and women just don’t.  Women as a submissive group just seem more able to behave.

Last night Mistress and i were up very late last night. It was a very important night dealing with some household things and i was helping Mistress. Right at the end of the night my net was cut off because my flatmates hadn’t paid the bill and got very angry inwardly. I was tired too so it didn’t help at all.  I snapped at Mistress  maybe a little bit.. Instantly i was sorry for it. Mistress understood why i snapped and that it wasn’t actually at Her but i felt really guilty. I apoligised profusely. The one thing that really gets me angry or annoyed is not having access to the net especially because of negligence on the part of others. I have several important things i need to keep up to date with that i can’t do without the internet.

I was also angry because without it what help could i be to Mistress? The things She has me take care of i cannot do without internet access.  I didn’t handle it in the right way i admit, and i certainly should not have let my anger affect my sleep or affect my calling Mistress in the morning. I was 10 minutes late on a morning Mistress has to be up on time for.I could have done better in my behaviour, should have done. I was tired and annoyed and i felt let down by my flatmates and in turn that i was letting Mistress down. And if i feel like i am letting Her down because of someone elses actions i get very angry. Mistress hates when i need to nap during the day. Its starting to bug Mistress that i am not there when She needs me, especially as She cannot access the internet at work now. I am needed for Her now for that. She gifted me a nap this morning despite my behviour and despite not deserving it and for that i a m very grateful.

I have 3 months to get to the point where Mistress can rely on me fully to get her up in the morning without fail. I am terrified i cannot do it. I love the time we have in the morning and i try so very very hard to be up to do it. I make mistakes from time to time. Its not good enough and when She told me i was terrified i would never be able to do it.  I HAVE to be able to. If i had been there Mistress would have physically punished me. I do NOT want to lose that time so in three months i have to become perfect with this or lose it.

Wish me luck while i find all the ways i can to improve myself.

Mistress particularly likes hearing certain words from me. She loves the way i say them with my english accent. They really make Her laugh. I thought i’d share them with you.

perfect

dirty

perfectly dirty

cock

Mistress has on many occasions said that when i get their for my visit She’ll have me say perfectly dirty over and over again while She is fucking me. Which then has us both in fits of giggles.

This morning She had me say cock over and over again before She had the eeevil idea of having me wake Mr I by whispering it in his ear over and over again and i begged not to.

I told Mistress he would take the piss.. Which in england is a term for making fun of. Mistress said what??? having not heard the term before. Then said it might be fun to see what he would do to ” take the piss” , and of the things She thought of when i said that.

Then i joked about that not being the worst term we have. In england there is a certain colloquiasm for cigarette that Mistress has never heard and that i don’t say often.

Fag.

So in england the phrase going to have a fag is often heard. Mistress thought that hilarious and weird. And then She suggested i wake Mr I up by whispering cock,fag in his ear over and over again as a ” science experiment” to see if he would take the piss.

I begged and begged not to do that. Mistress finally relented only after i had said i’ll do anything but please don’t make me do that . So i have been told to tell my readers to watch this space for what Mistress has me do instead.

*blushes* Mistress has an evil mind. i’m sooooo nervous now.

In almost every submissive/slave’s blog i have seen a post about this very subject. I never thought i would write the same in my blog but its a very important part of submission… The reality as compared to the glamorised leather wearing whip toting anjelina jolie wannabie version of submission.  ( Mistress loves that term sooo much lol).

Submission is about sacrifice, and surrender. Your life is no longer your own, you belong totally to someone else. There is not one part of you left that belongs to you. If you have tasks to perform, whatever they are you cannot just not do them because you are busy.. You have to find a way to get them done. You put someone else before yourself at all times. You live to make another happy.

I’ve seen so many wannabies who think they can do this cave under the reality of it. Its not some easy picnic. No relationship is. Even i find it hard at times. But i carry on because i get true fulfillment out of service, even the hard times.

No 24/7 slaves life is always entrenched in obvious submission. You don’t spend your life in a gilded cage wearing silks looking pretty waiting to be used, or whipped or flogged or ordered around. Even the most yielding slave needs her( or his) own mind too. Unfortunately mundanity gets in the way. Trust me i would love to live in a gilded cage like that. Even the reality of that would be some ugly square cage, the kind you put dogs into when they are being obediance trained, or when they are sick. See where reality kicks in there?

I think people forget the responsibility true submission has. You are entrusted with, essentially, your Dominants life. You become their confidant, their rock.. You become privy to the most sensitive information, you do their groceries, you care for them when they are sick, for  some slaves, tend to budgets and bills and cleaning and relaxation. Of course to get to this point in a relationship takes time so it does not apply to those new to a relationship but for those that have been in it for a while.. Sure it counts.. On top of that you have to care for your own , not only because because you are owned and therefore need to take care of yourself and risk no harm to your owners property but because if you don’t you cannot have gained the maturity to look after your own life.

I think those wannabies i mentioned before can’t handle both. Maybe i’m so good at things like this because i have a daughter.. I know what it is like and readily have given that sacrifice before. In different ways yes but there are comparisons with some things that can be drawn. A mother sacrifices for their child, a mother cares for a child, a mother puts everything they are into their child much like a slave gives there all for a Dominant . ( For those that may be unclear i am not calling Dominants children… (gods, imagine how sore my poor ass would be if i was)

It gets even harder when there is more than one slave involved, and serving a Dominant. Because you work with each other.. yes in theory it should halve the load right? ( Not that it is perceived as a load, its perceived and is at least to me a  joy to serve) But then everyone has some failing, some little thing that grates or annoys or just simply , they can’t fulfill in the Dominant. Slaves are humans, not automatons, they can’t be perfect. Then it leaves the other slave feeling like they have to pick up the slack so to speak. Its just the way a true slave thinks and works.

Sometimes, just sometimes, a slave can be aroused, or feeling upset or need something and the Dominant wants/needs something else. The slave has to respect and tend to their Dominants needs putting their own aside. That can be frustrating sometimes too.

A good slave knows this. The really good slaves, the perfect slaves, also know that Dominants feel like this too. A good slave knows that an Owner cannot 24/7 live life out in a play scene. They are always in control yes but sometimes they just need companionship, someone to chat too, or watch tv with or vent at or just *shock horror* have a nice , gentle mostly vanilla moment. Dominants get burned out sometimes. It takes a lot of energy to be in control all the time and a good slave can recognise this and back off. Dominants with burnout can find a slaves nature needy or clingy or sometimes just a little creepy. You have to find a balance.. And sometimes .. you know.. slaves can miss that. Dominants don’t always want to order their slaves into deviant and kinky ( i love the word deviant.. i don’t use it enough) sexual acts and tie them up in a series of intricate knotwork that takes about 2 hours to complete.. yay shibari. A good slave makes the Dominants life easier, and lessen the energy that is needed to do all of this. Because trust me, all i mentioned above.. can be turned around and applied to a Dominants life. Its really very easy if you are a dedicated loving slave to remember that. I don’t know why more slaves can’t do this. So many just don’t seem to get it.They are selfish and expect the Dominant to do all the work.

I get frustrated sometimes. I recognise burn out in Mistress sometimes.. I feel that responsibility and that sacrifice more deeply at times than others. I put Mistress first in all things and i tend to myself so that i am looking after Mistress’s property. I can let my slave needs overwhelm noticing burnout and i get clingy, i am like most women overemotional at times. But i LOVE serving Mistress, i am exactly where i want my life to be, apart from the 3000 something miles between Mistress and i. And yet despite that distance, i seem to be the only one capable of understanding Mistress completly..

Speaks volumes right.

I want Mistress, need Mistress with every fiber of my being. I miss Her and crave Her and want Her happiness all the time. It never stops. I dream about Her, i fantasise about Her. I love Her and though i sometimes get some of the frustrations mentioned in this blog.. She is like oxygen to me, She’s like chocolate and pretty underwear and my PC to me.. Essential.

…..with my legs bent and i was playing around with my phone and thought i’d try a pic.

Mistress recently sent me a parcel full of gifts and i have been promising to post pictures for ages. You’ll have to forgive the pictures that were taken on my cell phone, and my room has bad lighting.

This is my “vanilla” everyday collar. Its gorgeous!!! the picture barely does it justice. I only take it off to clean or when i bathe now. It fits on my wedding finger ( happy happy slave).

A ring that i wear on the middle finger of my right hand. Plain silver with a pattern engraved into it. Mistress’s boy also has one.

Homemade perfume in a roll on bottle! Mistress used to run a business that sold bath products and perfumes etc. This one is vanilla, and has a floral twist. I LOOOVE it. I smell good enough to eat

A card that Mistress found for me, inside is a special note to me from Her ( but i’m not sharing that:P.

This is an empty notebook, inside is a picture and quote Mistress has added on the first page. I am to fill this book with things that make me happy. Its my book of light:)

One of the books Mistress has wanted me to read for a long time now. It used to be Hers but She has given it to me.

A real life postsecret postcard that Mistress found inside a postsecret book She had brought at borders.

A silk scarve, so i can feel the silk against my skin. When we are online in sl Mistress likes me to wear silks. Hence the silk scarf.

A pack of angel cards. I love tarot and oracle cards. These were ones that belonged to Mistress that She has used.

One of Mistress favourite scented yankee candles. Now my room can smell like Her apartment.

A book Mistress published. It is the only copy Mistress had.

A silver bracelet with a quote from shakespeare. ” This above all; to thine own self be true. “

There is also a top that Mistress  sent me , but it is in the wash right now because iwore it straight away:P

For Mistress

I will never leave your side

(Elphaba):
I’m limited
Just look at me – I’m limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn’t do, Glinda
So now it’s up to you
For both of us – now it’s up to you…

(Glinda):
I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you…

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you…

(Both):
Because I knew you…
I have been changed for good…

Mistress has toyed with me of all the things She has planned for me when i go out to see Her over new years. She sat on the balcony and told me of all the things She would do to me as i listened on squirming and occasionally whimpering.

When i got off the plane and She and d picked me up how i would sit in the back of Her car in the middle, my legs spread wide and made to play. God how that thrilled me, knowing that if someone just happened to glance in the car and see me they would see an owned slut toying with Herself writhing in the car so Mistress could turn as d drived and see me playing with myself.

When W/we get to Her apartment She will  shut the door, slap my face hard and slip my collar and leash on me, bend me over and take me savagly until i cried out in pain from it all with the blinds open so the world can see her girl, and when She was done having Her way with me and i had shuddered to orgasm She would lead me by my hair to the bathroom, and sit me down on the toilet until i needed to pee and She would make me play with myself as i peed, forcing me to stop and start peeing so that i came while i was peeing and then She would wipe me. Then She will strip off any remaining clothes, and have me shower while She watches me clean myself, every last bit of my body open and bare for Her to see. Her little humiliated taken slave.

When i have done with cleaning myself  She will lead me to the bedroom by my hair, push me onto the bed, tie my hands to the bed and stuff me with toys.  She will whip my entire body, She will leave me bruised and marked.  She will make me come as many times as She wishes, over and over and over and then after She had done She will sit on my face and have me please Her.

Then She will untie the restraints and if i can stand after all of that She will hug me, if not She will leave me in the bedroom while She goes into the front room and when i was ready to serve Her only then, as i crawl out on my hands and knees and tell Her i am ready to be Her girl will She hug me.

She will sit at Her pc chair and turn it to the balcony so the world can see me on my knees serving her. When W/we go out on the balcony to smoke i am only allowed to go out in a robe ( unless really really cold then i will be allowed a coat) and i will have my back to the edge of the balcony so i can sit with my legs spread so She can always see my pussy.

She will at new years want to fuck me, as the gongs ring, savagly taking my ass while i am sucking d’s cock.

She will savagly and without any doubt claim Her property while i am there and girl cannot wait.

Knowing all of this makes girl extremely wet and squirmy. As i listened to all She had planned for me i got wetter and wetter, and breathier and breathier. I cannot wait for Mistress to claim what is Hers. In 2 years noone has touched me, and i yearn for Her touch. I yearn to be claimed , completely. I long or the humiliation and the thought of it made me feel more and more owned and controlled, horny and wet and wanting. Knowing that She wants to slap me makes me tremble with excitement. Many times have i fantasised about it. Many times have i thought of Her bending me over and savagly plunging that cock inside my ass, forcing it in until i cried out in pain and pleasure as i pushed back on it like a little whore. I have in my darkest and most alone thoughts, the very rare ones i rarely speak of thought of Her using me while i needed to pee. Knowing that She wished to watch me pee i have thought of what it would be like if She decided to wipe me. I thought of exactly how humiliated i would be. I thought of how i knew i wouldn’t stop Her but inside i would be completly unsure, edgy, nervous.. Completly humiliated and small. I’ve thought about how it would feel, to have Her hand there, wiping me like i was a child. I have wondered what it would be like for Her to watch me shower and i want Her to see so much it burns in me. The thought of that close of an inspection terrifies and arouses and excites.I’ve imagined being restrained and completly at Her whim, forced to orgasm again and again until i had no energy left and i’ve dreamed about Her sitting on my face so i could please Her and all i would know was Her , Her smell, Her taste, the feel of Her wetness and cum on my face and the restriction of breath as Her pussy grinds into my face. The feel of Her thighs by my head, unable to move.. Unwanting to move.. My whole world collapsed down to just Her.

I’ve fantasised so often about so many of these things.. to know that Mistress has them planned for me makes me tremble and wet and giddy with excitement at the thought of Her finally seeing and claiming all of the little slut i can be. After 2 years my body aches for Her touch all the time now.

If Mistress likes this post i am allowed to fuck my ass while She watches. I hope She will want to see me fuck myself. I wonder if She will want me to move the cam so She can see me on my bed.. I’ve tested it and you can see things in so much detail.. Much closer than the last time She watched me so closely. I almost feel like begging for it but my place is not to push it is for Her pleasure. only.

I am a lucky slave.