Mornings

Last night Mistress and i were up very late last night. It was a very important night dealing with some household things and i was helping Mistress. Right at the end of the night my net was cut off because my flatmates hadn’t paid the bill and got very angry inwardly. I was tired too so it didn’t help at all.  I snapped at Mistress  maybe a little bit.. Instantly i was sorry for it. Mistress understood why i snapped and that it wasn’t actually at Her but i felt really guilty. I apoligised profusely. The one thing that really gets me angry or annoyed is not having access to the net especially because of negligence on the part of others. I have several important things i need to keep up to date with that i can’t do without the internet.

I was also angry because without it what help could i be to Mistress? The things She has me take care of i cannot do without internet access.  I didn’t handle it in the right way i admit, and i certainly should not have let my anger affect my sleep or affect my calling Mistress in the morning. I was 10 minutes late on a morning Mistress has to be up on time for.I could have done better in my behaviour, should have done. I was tired and annoyed and i felt let down by my flatmates and in turn that i was letting Mistress down. And if i feel like i am letting Her down because of someone elses actions i get very angry. Mistress hates when i need to nap during the day. Its starting to bug Mistress that i am not there when She needs me, especially as She cannot access the internet at work now. I am needed for Her now for that. She gifted me a nap this morning despite my behviour and despite not deserving it and for that i a m very grateful.

I have 3 months to get to the point where Mistress can rely on me fully to get her up in the morning without fail. I am terrified i cannot do it. I love the time we have in the morning and i try so very very hard to be up to do it. I make mistakes from time to time. Its not good enough and when She told me i was terrified i would never be able to do it.  I HAVE to be able to. If i had been there Mistress would have physically punished me. I do NOT want to lose that time so in three months i have to become perfect with this or lose it.

Wish me luck while i find all the ways i can to improve myself.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on November 13, 2009.