“My possesion”

It’s been a long time since i felt something burn at me to write in here. I feel bad for that. I come to my blog everyday and i look, i read some of my old posts and at times i try and write something but i don’t know where to start.I always look to Mistress’s blog too, knowing there is likely not a post. Mistress has been so busy at work, and then so busy at home of late that there has been no time for her to write. I always hope to find a post there.  But even without these posts i look, i hope, and i read back. Everyday i always read at least one post in Her blog.

I will speak of last night soon, but before you read, to fully understand my post you need to read Mistress’s new one.

http://thedominantmuse.wordpress.com/2009/07/31/the-dance-of-energy-in-the-smoke-from-the-flame/

Mistress has been seaching for a boy. Of this i have posted too, but i had left it private. I have watched Mistress, as She searches. And warily have i interacted with some. It isn’t my place to be wary, but i cannot help it, i have seen Mistress hurt so many times i feel like a….. *thinks* Mystress Swan once referred to me as a yippy little guard dog. Very sweet and cute but as soon as there is distrust i nip at peoples feet, and growl and can be determined in my want to protect Mistress. Its probably a very good way of putting it. I watch, and i wait. I talk with them, and if i feel trouble instantly i become on guard.

I’ve seen a change in Mistress since She began searching. No, not seen.. felt. I’ve felt in Her a change. Something inside Mistress seems to have woken up. I don’t know how else to describe it. A part of Her that was lost She is finding again. Its intoxicating to watch, to be around and to be part of. An energy that i had thought lost. In some of my private posts i have mentioned that at times i have found it a torment so happy am i to see Her happiness and how inside i crave the things that they can get. I have been wallowing in the distance between us. I know i have yet stopping it can be hard. I see Mistress and these boys, who may or may not turn into anything more than possibilities and i envy them a little for waking up in Mistress something i havn’t felt in a long time. An excitement, a new light in her eyes. This is the first time i have said i envy them, and it shall be the last because it is not a huge overeaching eating envy, i am comfortable in my place and importance to Mistress and know that what She is feeling is not because of some lacking on my part in my place or my duties. It makes me happy to feel it again. I am happy to see Mistress, and this new found.. hope, a new drive in Her.

Mistress has found a new place, one She is now very attached to. More than perhaps even i had realised until a few days ago. She visits it everyday and goes back despite infuriating lag for Her, which usually means instant non return. Its a beautiful place, a ballroom and gardens. It has a beautiful energy. One that i sometimes feel very out of place in. It is very formal, very.. grown up. I havn’t used or felt my little girl energy in a while, but i feel lost there sometimes because of it. Like i don’t fit and when Mistress goes with me in attendance, i feel like i have to follow her completly or someone is going to tell me to leave.

Last weekend i watched Mistress dance, sat to the side tucked out of the way and i felt a peace in Her. I didn’t want to go to bed when She ordered me to because it was beautiful to see and i wanted to see it grow. All week i have seen a lightness returning, even in my own struggle to keep control of my emotions, now without the filter of medication they used to have. Something i had hoped wasn’t lost in Mistress. I havn’t seen it since christmas. A light, a hope, a deep burying warmth that wraps around you and leaves you and anyone who comes close to it breathless. In aspect the very opposite of Sakhmett, that darker energy that Mistress has been discovering and letting grow. It touches people, reaches out to them and wraps around them, connecting with something very deep within a person. I call it Mistress’s angel for reasons She will understand.

I had hoped all week for a dance like that. To feel that energy so acutely. I longed for it actually. Last night we did dance, Mistress had decided to make sure we had time to last night. Even leaving the company of an old friend to do so. We went to the ballroom, and i followed Her, greeting those in the main ballroom and while She searched for just the right spot to dance. I didn’t feel out of place last night, i felt.. It was anticipation, and excitement. Completly childish excitement.  She looked so beautiful as i followed Her, wearing a ballgown She had gifted me.

And we danced, by the sea , in a little courtyard area with flowers and trees around us. Romantic music and soft light. I felt something i hadn’t felt in so long, that grew as we danced. We talked about things, future events, christmas, plans She was making and i wanted to fall into Her. I could feel that light in Her growing.

I felt this warmth and a strength of love that left me tingling. It was nice to have the time to be together like that. Things have been so busy of late, and Mistress so tired. I have missed it.I felt like something long since missing, that was maybe lost had come back. It felt like home. I felt safe in Her arms, even just in that moment, and everything was perfectly still while love wrapped around me. I have missed feeling that and i’ve missed that kind of closeness. Like you’ve been completly enfolded in someones arms, and wrapped with this blanket of love that envelops you, protects you and takes away all the hardness of this world.

It came to the end of the night, bedtime for us both and i tentatively leaned in to kiss Mistress goodnight. Just a gentle sweet kiss on Her cheek. Tender, matching the warmth i felt inside me when Mistress, seemed to.. flip in energy and yet She didn’t. I still felt the warmth, the love wrapped around me, the safeness and tenderness as She pulled on my hair and kissed me hard and ripped my dress, where She had been gently stroking,  exposing me, in this beautiful peaceful spot. It left me surprised for a minute. I could feel both, the light and the dark. Something i have never ever felt before, not together. I wasn’t sure how to react, and yet react i did anyway. I was slowly tortured last night at Her hand, something that in Her darker energy isn’t something i would expect. Every movement, every action slow, every touch designed to drive me to distraction, while whispered in my ear, in the midst of many words designed to drive that sensual torture even further.. I remember them still, even now i remember everything She said to me  ” my girl, my possesion, my toy, my object.so proud am I to own you girl.You are completely mine now.”

And slowly did She take every action last night designed to torture me, designed to make my whole body ache for Her. I was Hers last night, i am Hers now, i always am. I am her posession, her toy her object.. her girl. Everything. I lost myself in it, in Mistress and by the end of the night i was driven to exhaustion. I had lost myself all evening in Her energy. Light , then both mixed in a way i havn’t felt before and i knew that i belonged, i was safe and loved and owned. I knew i was Hers completly Hers. Posessed, owned, everything that is me, everything i do.. Hers. When i left for bed, i ached inside, i ached from all that torture, not from pain. I could feel the space left even after many orgasms. It wasn’t just physical. When She isn’t there part of me is empty. I longed for Mistress still, i felt blissful. I craved Her and needed every part of what She is to me. The love, the warmth, the tenderness, the control and the complete and utter surrender of everything until all i can feel is Her, until i can do nothing but act on Her wishes, not just sexually, not just desire and the aching madness that can bring, but everything. I am caught up with Mistress and all She is to me. I have been for a long time, like i’m trapped willingly in some net but last night it was like.. like… like it suddenly became very tangible.

When i did fall into bed last night i wrapped myself in my duvet as i usually do, all soft against my skin because of the velvet on the cover, and i gathered up the extra and i wrapped my arms around it like i was hugging Mistress’s legs as she sat at a throne, and i curled up to sleep blissfully.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on July 31, 2009.