torment

I wanted to write about torment. Mistress was toying with someone last night, and She was really enjoying it. She asked me a question, i don’t remember what it was now but i replied about how i thought the person was lucky Mistress wanted to toy with them, and She told me to be careful of the green eyed monster. But i wasn’t jealous. I was happy that Mistress was enjoying herself. But it was torment for me. Its always torment for me when She plays with another because i want to toyed with to, i want to be worthy enough to be toyed with. I want to cause that excitement and energy in Mistress. Its torment when She toys with me and doesn’t let me release. Its torment for me when i am used by another with or without Mistress present because though i am doing her wishes and pleasing because of that ( a feeling i adore) at the same time its not Mistress directly i’m pleasing. Its torment because i want Her so badly. Its not jealousy. I guess its what cuckolding feels like, maybe.Its torment when i am good and pleasing and Mistress wants another, as much as i am happy about it because Mistress is pleased.

Its torment, and i like the torment, and i hate the torment.

And i like that torment. And i hate it.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on July 6, 2009.