Dreams of service

I want to serve Mistress so much i dream about it. I had such a wonderful dream last night. I was hers, i was there. The dream seemed a little messed up as to whether i had been there long, had moved there without visiting first. I was at her place. It wasn’t the apartment She has now. Or rather it was, at least the parts i can see were, but it was larger, and the place it was in was different.

What i remember is it started i was at Mistress’s place. I remember looking around it like it was a new place for me to be. I didn’t have the familiarity a place gets from being there for long enough. Mistress was at work and i was on Her pc. On something very much like gmail but it wasn’t. Or maybe it was but not the gmail we know, this was maybe a year, 2 years as much as 5 years on from now. But it wasn’t now. I talked to Mistress on it while She was at work.  I don’t know if the pc at Mistress’s desk was a laptop, but it did have a built in webcam i think. Something did because Mistress put it on for me, and i could see Her at work. It was so much like Her i could have reached out and touched Her, the clarity of the picture was amazing, down to the subtleties of colour in her brown, hazel eyes and the light on her hair. It was so nice to see Her, and it made me comfortable in this place i had never been before. But a fuse went and the computer and i think some of the other electrical equipment went. Like the tv, and the dvd player. I remember looking around for a fusebox and not finding one. So i went outside for some reason. It was getting dark and the stars were out against the evening sky, though it wasn’t quite dark. The sky was that dark but washed out blue still. Not true dark.  We were above ground level only by virtue of a garden that was on a hill and verged down to the road. There was a slightly larger place next door, and there were signs of a child living there. Across the road there was a wharf, dock.. something. Like a little cove, with a small yacht docked there. I remember seeing the neighbour crossing his garden going over there, my hair getting in my eyes so i did not see his face as he crossed the road and i looked back up at the stars. He was by the looks of how he was dressed in his mid 40’s. He was going towards the little yacht.

My cell phone rang. It was a cell phone i have never seen before but it looked new and i was unfamiliar with it too. I managed to figure out who was calling and it was Mistress. I also fumbled and managed to answer. Mistress said She regretted having been so busy at work and only being able to see me that morning before work and briefly the night before. Which of course makes me think i had been there at least 2 days. I wandered back into the apartment with Mistress still on the phone, She was asking me to remind Her of things, and to take care of some things in the house before i came to meet her from work. And then She made me squeak by saying that She wanted to see me tonight, all of me. That She expected when W/we got back to spend some time together and dinner could be late tonight. As She was  saying this i suddenly heard a child. It sounded like it was next door and then i turned around and saw milly. She hadn’t grown. She was still as she is now. She was bouncing on the sofa and singing, counting the bounces. I listened to the singing, then lifted her down off the sofa while i was talking to Mistress. I turned for a second, looked back and She was gone. I sat down and knocked off some paperwork, it was bindered So it didn’t all fall everywhere. Mistress told me to meet Her at the station in an hour and we hung up. I picked up the paperwork and looked at it, it was all about child development and abuse of partners. I remember feeling a little sadness and putting it away. Then i went into the one bedroom, which i thought strange because the apartment was actually fairly big. Much bigger than a normal one bedroom place. I didn’t get changed, i was happy with what i was wearing, a mid length aline skirt and a blouse of some kind i think. I remember i couldn’t do the things i was meant to as the fuse had blown and i couldn’t find the box so i went back outside , with a jacket on and i watched the stars again. I looked across at the water, it was dark now, there were red lights and moonlight reflecting on the water. It was calm, and there was someone out on it. I stopped to clear the hair that had been blown in my face. It was long. Almost down to the base of my spine. I waved and he waved back but it was too dark to see him.

Then i was at the station, waiting outside for Mistress. It was rush hour, and people were coming and going on their way home from work. I took Mistress’s bag when She came out of the station and listened as She told me about Her day and Sher told me shish had called and that he was going to be away for a while for work. We got back to the apartment and i put Her things away and got Her a drink and Mistress showed me where the fuse box was and told me to turn it back on and finish the things that needed doing and i only had 15 minute while Mistress went into the bedroom and  relaxed.

I went into the bedroom, there wasn’t a bed, but there was a desk and some craft stuff and a wardrobe and a recliner. Mistress was laying back on it and was reading as i entered .She looked up and told me to pull the chair by the desk over and sit. So i did, in silence feeling all nervous. Mistress spent a long time just looking at me, and i looked down blushing and i was doing that thing i do when i’m shy, i was fiddling with my clothes , smoothing out the skirt and bunching it up again. I remember Mistess smiling when i looked up at Her and She said that She wanted to take the time now She had it to enjoy me. I bit my lip as She told me to strip. I pulled down the skirt, leaving just the tights and pants i was wearing. then the blouse, unbuttoning it slowly as i was trembling and couldn’t undo the buttons well.

Thats when i woke up.

I have been thinking a lot about what i want in the future and i don’t see me anywhere but with Mistress, 5, 10 yrs from now i see myself there. I see myself serving Her. I want that. i want it so badly it aches inside me that i can’t do that now and yet.. part of me savours that ache too. Its an odd thing to say but i can appreciate the.. frustration of it. In someway almost enjoying that ache as much as it hurts sometimes.

its going to take a lot of work to get there, and to be out of the circumstances i am in now. It crushed me to find out i couldn’t go and see Her in September it did, but it has also pushed on that desire even more. I don’t want to be at a point where Mistress is ever not in my life in some way, and if i can and if  She wants ( i know things may always change) i want to be Hers for the rest of my life. Mistress talked about how maybe Mistress had come into my life for a point, being almost like.. a parent figure to me, guiding me, in an emotional sense, telling me what was ok and what wasn’t. That is something i have thought to. That Mistress did seem to be taking on a role like that but honestly that was at a point where just the mention of parental figure made me nervy. But i do also know that is not all i want our relationship with each other to be. I don’t want to move on from Mistress. I want to serve Her, i want to make her life easier, i want to be her plaything, her toy, her slave, her friend, her love. I don’t know how things will be, noone knows the future like that but i know that i would do anything She asked of me. If She found a partner, i would serve him as She wished me to, if She does find another slave, i will serve alongside him as She wishes. I don’t have any expectations other than this one of myself.. i long to do what it is she wishes, i long to serve her in whatever way it takes.I dream of it now, almost every night i dream of Mistress in some way. I dream of serving Her, i dream of other things too sometimes *blushes*.

I know what i want now. I don’t know how to get there yet, but i will. One day i will. My only hope is it isn’t impossible.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on June 9, 2009.