Desire

Today was a really nice day. I really enjoy being with Mistress. I enjoy Her company. The fun we have, everything and i am lucky to be in it so much. I could just sit quietly and watch Her all day. She really is beautiful.I love Her smile, the way She shuffles in Her seat, How soft Her skin looks, Her voice, the way Her face lights up when She smiles, the way She toys with Her necklace when She is thinking. I love all of it .

But today as W/we sat, as we played wow, and we talked and we watched tv together i found my desire for Her growing and growing. I’d get caught up in Her voice and miss what She was saying sometimes, i’m sure i must have bit my lip and blushed more than once. I kind of sat curling my hair around my fingers and once i curled it all round my hand and i did pull, just a little. I know Mistress wishes to use my hair as a leash. It excites me. So many things excite me about Mistress and as i saw Her, as we just spent time together they played in my head.

I craved Mistress today. I thought about accidently letting my dressing gown slip off my shoulder , exposing the flesh a little. I thought about the things Mistress likes, that i yearn for. But it is not my place to make hints, or express that i want anything. I am Her slave, if She wishes to use me, She will and not because i want something. . But my body does have desire. More to the point.. My body has desire for Her.I cannot help the way She makes me feel, the way the thoughts of pleasing Her, of being toyed with and used and taken do to me.

I can be so prim and proper sometimes. Maybe its the english in me. Maybe i’m just shy. Its not a slaves place to say that I desire Mistress.. That She made me burn inside, and flutter deep within me. That all She had to do was be there and i felt like that. That when i yearn like that all sorts of feelings rush through me.

I asked to play tonight. I asked for the permission to release, and Mistress said no and before i could stop myself i blurted out a but. .then stopped myself. Mistress said no because i asked. I blushed and stopped my accidental but and sat there fighting that feeling inside me that adds to the feeling of being Hers, and swallowed all that saying yes Mistress. knowing that that ache makes me feel owned as much as any release, that just being around Her makes me feel so very owned.

I cannot help that i get desires, that i desire Mistress. That i think of things and torture myslef and i try to be good and not even ask. In truth i am very lucky Mistress said yes. I did ask.. when that generally gives an automatic no. I don’t know what changed Mistress’s mind tonight. But i am grateful i get to be able to play and express some of that desire for Her.

I was granted leniency to play once last week without blogging, and i did something i havn’t done in a while. *smiles to myself* theres something about being full, and on all fours, and fucking myself hard.. like Mistress would that makes my mind melt.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on May 25, 2009.