gratitude from a slave

I think i forgot my place again. I take things too much for granted. I am Her slave, not Her submissive, not just Her friend, or lover. Everything i have, or that Mistress does for me, or allows.. is a privelege i should be thankful for. And i think i havn’t been. Even the simple privelege of silks i had forgotten. I had forgotten how restricting even just not being allowed those can be. It defines where i can go, who i can see, and peoples reactions to me.

More and more today i felt less like me and more like a piece of meat. I think everyone i saw today mentioned spent time just .. enjoying the fact i was naked. It wasn’t a huge thing maybe, just.. in any conversation i had today, there was comments of lewd staring, or of appreciation of my form. And i should be proud of that i guess, as its Mistress’s girl , her slave they see and compliment knowing that i belong to Her. But i felt.. humiliated by the end. I havn’t spent much time online today but by the end i just wanted to hide, again not something i have a right to do.

I need to remember what is appropriate to say and i need to remember what it is i am meant to do. I’m not sure but i think i have forgotten a lot of my routine too.

I felt more and more unhappy today. Even just to hear Mistress calling me by my name , and the fun we had tonight.. Was something i won’t take for granted. It made me happy. Mistress does so much for me, and i do much for her too out of love. Out of service, out of submission. Small things are very important.. How i forget to say how much i appreciate what She does for me, how much i look up to and respect Her, how thankful i am for her guidance and love.

I forget to thank Mistress for a lot of things and for that i am sorry for.

I am just a slave and that i am grateful for too, because of how much it fulfills me.

Maybe i was thinking a slaves life is easy. no control, no need to think but thats not it. Its not like that and maybe i worry to much about things i shouldn’t. Today was hard, first off it was ok, i could deal with the punishment. As time went on i felt more and more vulnerable, and more and more like .. an object to people, even when i wasn’t, because of the reaction to no clothing. It wasn’t big, barely noticable really but to me it got harder and harder.

I hope my lesson is deemed learned soon..Being a slave is not always easy, its not just beauty and graceful submission. If you don’t think then you slip.. take things for granted and act inappropriately.

this slave.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on April 17, 2009.