Chaos

So..i’ve had a busy couple of weeks where my time was either very short with Mistress, or not at all and even when with Mistress we weren’t exactly free to be O/ourselves fully. Because of my time away, and my guest my routine was completly shot. I tried to keep to what i could and when Mistress did give me a curfew i kept it. In fact i longed for her to give me a curfew, to give me an order and when she did it felt good.

Where is the line drawn for a slave between her own self reliance and following her Owners wishes? I’m craving control. When it comes to any point where i need to make a choice when i am with Her i am struggling, and have been since a few days after my house guest arrived.. Even something as simple as where to sit  gives me a quandry as i don’t know what to choose.

Also my routine is shaken. Thanks to an upgrade in my internet browser a lot of my blog feeds have gone meaning i have lost the links. Not a big thing maybe , you’d think.. But they were a part of the routine i was meant to follow for Mistress and now i can’t read a lot of them. This morning i didn’t even manage to get up to talk to Mistress before She went to work.

I’m not even sure my routine is exactly that off either.. but after 2 weeks away from it it feels.. kind of.. distant to me and i am doing my best to try and get back into it. But i’m feeling a little .. off from things. I’m not sure how to describe it.

I’m not even sure what is needed to get me set back right. I just feel this burning for control and i feel like i’m floating in a cloud of chaos. Like when you lose a balloon string when you’re a kid.. and theres a split second to try and figure out what to do about it and not knowing.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on April 8, 2009.