This girl begs, please take control.

Since yesterday and my Grandad i have slowly been getting better. Life is a little difficult right now, but i am coping and that surprises me. . I am very different now, i can handle things on my own without panicking and flapping because i can’t handle it all at once. Having spoken to nan today, and hearing her be strong I feel stronger somehow. And i have come to terms with his going. But since yesterday, i have been craving having no control. I am not talking about the things i have to deal with, i have to deal with them and on my own and i am. But i want to be controlled , i want to do nothing but what is wanted of me. I want to be nothing but property. Last night when i finally slept i kept thinking how i wanted to crawl at Mistress’s feet in nothing but silks, or nothing at all knowing i was nothing but hers. Doing nothing but what she wanted. I felt awful about that so soon after grandad.. i felt like i was disrespectful or something but I am craving it, i am craving orders and her control. I want  to be nothing but her girl, i want to be used as She wishes. I want no choices, no free will. I want it all taken from me. I havnt wanted it more in a long time. I want to beg and squirm for the smallest freedom. Even going to the bathroom. Nothing of my will. I thought about melina, my sister kajira and friend of Mistress and i thought about how her Master was with her at our party, i thought about it all.. I know i  am Mistress’s little girl but i want her to take it all away from me, everything…I dreamt about it tonight when i napped. I dreamt of being a slave, trapped in some harem, where i could do nothing but my Owners will. Where he would toy and use and take and own me completely with or without my will. I want that harshness , i want that power, i need it.. I would crawl on my hands and knees and beg if i need to. I would give *anything*

I know its a reaction to whats ging on in my life, and i dont want that taken from me, i need to do that and want to do that myself. But i want to be her Slave completly. I want all that can be taken from me and completely in Mistress’s power. This girl knows even expressing this desire kind of defeats the object but then noone knows it unless i say something.

This girl begs.. please take control Mistress.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on December 23, 2008.