I’m a slave not a sub

There have been a couple of conversations in the last few days that have made me think about this. I always thought i was a submissive with a lot of slave tendencies. But i’m really not. I really have changed. My submission is very different now.

I am a slave. A slave’s needs and wants are put secondary to that of their Owners. Slaves do whatever they’re Owner wants, do things the way the Owner wants even if it’s a way the slave is unsure of. Even if it goes against what the slave wants to do they will do it, out of love for their owner. not because they are forced to, not because it is required of them, but out of love. A slave doesn’t even question it as a sub might, they just do it.

I have always wanted this, even when i was young, though i reminded myself of when my first stirrings of thoughts of this kind of  relationship  even began to be curious. Even before my first sexual awakening, and into my girlish fantasies as i learned of myself.

Some may groan at this, but i don’t care. When i was a teenager, i very much enjoyed xena. She was my first rolemodel. I wanted to be strong like her, and have gabrielles light and i wanted a relationship like theirs, something.. not quite labelable, and very tangible. I very much identified myself with gabrielle, as she grew within herself in this show. I found her devotion to Xena heartwarming, and the relationship they shared much more so. There was always .. lesbian undertones between them made stronger by the ambiguoity of it. And i very much wanted the protection xena gave gabby as she grew into herself. It was in this show i had my first even , hints of D/s. And they stayed with me and haunted me.As the show progressed it grew in its content too, becoming more grown up as i did, i grew with this show, my frst experiences of heady sensuality and sexuality came from this show, as did my loyalty, and wanting of giving devotion.

It’s these clips below, and this song, featured in another episode of the show that first stirred those thoughts of control, and submission. Those grew to what i am today, to my first experimental fumble with bondage and kinky sex to full blown slavery.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on December 18, 2008.