Solace and hope

Death is something most people avoid thinking about. Mortality is spoken about in hushed whispers and rarely do we think of our own, focusing instead on the mundane daily routine, or the latest gossip.. Or anything but death. And what would happen after we go. What would we leave behind. I too have been guilty of avoiding the subject. Sometimes i think we have to, but its only when confronted by what we would do that we start to think. I am sure we have all had to deal with death in our lives, some earlier than others but it’s always there.

From a young age i was exposed to lifes shortening coil, and deaths grip. Various times, from the age of 5 have i seen the void it can bring, and in time, the joy of remembering. I have seen that undying hope when you sit on the edge of it, one way or another and i now have a daily reminder of that hope. My sister, 3 yrs ago had a heart transplant. The heart she received was faulty. She now has a pace maker and will be on drugs to stop rejection and to keep her heart going for the rest of her life. But she keeps going, no matter how touch and go it can be sometimes.

Mistress showed me a post yesterday writen by a grief stricken submissive who’s owner’s passing had left such a deep tangible space in her life. It was a very touching post, and very thought provoking. So much so that Mistress had to stop working today to write a letter to me and brother in her post. A letter to my submissives . I read it when i got home from a visit with my daughter, in fact it was the first thing i did when i got home, then reading my brothers latest , very touching post. The tears of joy during sorrow.

The poignancy and the touching words in them both left me feeling very emotional. Mostly happiness, and some thoughts of the future. I openly admit they had me weeping happy tears. i had to step away for a while to take them in. ( Plus i needed to do myself some dinner). I spent a long time thinking on them. Thinking on my relationship with brother and Mistress, the here and now, loss, and of solace.

The most important thing in all this world is not to dwell on what will be, to focus on what is here and now. For me that is the 9 months of sheer pleasure of being in Mistress’s life, and brothers. Of the joy we have shared and continue to share. For the love that grows daily, and the closeness we have despite a lot of distance. The growing bond of our little family grows and grows and there is true joy and true love. Our relationship is not one of just ownership, just play, or anything vanlla, it has aspects of all of these things and much much more.

I truely love Mistress, and she is such an important part of my life now. I cannot foresee a time with her not being there. If the worst were to ever happen, and death claimed her before me. There would be sorrow, yes, for what wouldn’t be there anymore. But there would too, perhaps after the initial shock and grief, be the memories of all the good times. The joy, the love shared and the piece of her she would leave in my heart. No matter what happens to us all i will remember all the good we shared. And i will help , if i am there, to ease the hurt and grief. To provide solace and comfort. And if its not me able to be there, i know brother and Mistress will look after each other. Likewise i would look after brother or Mistress if needed.

I know how i deal with loss. My way is to take care of the others left behind too, to look after them while they grieve, and then i have a short but emotionally violent letting go. And then i go back to taking care of others. Its the way i have always dealt with death. I find solace in it.

Mistress you have a deep deep mark on my heart. I love you, unconditionally and truely. You have given me the ability to see my strength, and to trust again. You have accepted me fully, and you bring me joy. I love to see the smile on your face. The way it brightens everything can not be worded. To serve you, to bring that smile to your face, it brings true joy. Your laughter, and the way you can brighten my day . There is nothing that can say how much that means to me. You will always always be in my heart. You always will be, as will your sanctuary.

Brother, every day we grow closer. Every day you mean more and more to me, and i am growing to love you dearly. For everything you can do for Mistress i have no words for how thankful you are there with her. She truely seems happier now. You are a sweet man, and very very caring and i trust you deeply. You understand me well and i have seen the real you and there are no words for how special you are for me. Just a feeling worth all its weight in gold.

You are both my solace, my love, and my hope. I take strength in you everyday.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on November 19, 2008.