My make up is flaking and my heart is breaking

What do you do when you lose the most important thing in your life.. Completely because of things you cannot help.. How can you describe the pain of that.. You can’t.. I spent this weeked in fits of despair, i spent this weekend in anger at myself , i spent this weekend in pain and i spent this weekend alone to protect those around me from that. Maybe it was the wrong thing. and i tried to talk, but anger or perceived anger pushed me away. And last night.. I deserved.. Like i deserve to lose the most important thing in my life.. like i deserve to.. no i wont say anymore because i will fall into sheer despair again and i cannot afford to hurt myself anymore. Or anyone else..

There is only one thing more important in my life than Mistress who is my world.. Who brings joy to me and a smile and i think i have done irrepairable dammage tehre. And that one thing, that one person can push everything else into a corner. Just one thing.. one person..

~ by chyldeofthenorns on September 3, 2008.