Wickedly Innocent Little Girl

My posts of late have been very introspective. I think I’m searching for something. I’m not sure what. Perhaps in time it will become clear. They have focused more on myself and not so much as on my thoughts on my submission. Which is myself too i know but this blog is meant to be primarily on my thoughts of submission.Or at least that is what i had hoped it to be.  So this is me trying to turn a new leaf. And start on a new style in my blog.

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For a little while now i have noticed Mistress has a new pet name for me . I wonder what thoughts it evokes of me in her head. ” Little girl”.  I will admit i was a little nervous hearing it at first. The whole little girl fantasy scenario i must admit is something i do not feel entirely comfortable with. I wouldn’t say it was a hard limit, or something i havn’t fantasised about. Not with a woman anyway. If my wild, untamed, passionate brother took to calling me that it would take me more time to deal with it i think. But with Mistress, whom i trust unconditionally, i take it with nervous grace and curiosity. I know when she used it in the club last night i kind of froze for a second. I think i was nervous of the reaction of the others in the club. For once i was the one on center stage instead of my deliciously exhibitionist, proud confidant brother.( I wish i had his confidance and his way for words as he dances. I find i let myself stop short of truely expressing myself as he does out of fear of peoples responses. When brother dances he gets this .. power to him and I am jealous of it I admit. I wish i could let myself be as truely exhibitionist as he does.  I do enjoy being on show to please for Mistress and her guests. I like it very much. Perhaps i need lessons giggles. How does someone teach that. ) When Mistress uttered the words little girl i froze mid sentence and i remember my breath hanging waiting for some kind of reaction. Nothing happened. Noone even blinked an eye. I remember slipping back into dancing. Taking comfort of the distractions my dancing was causing on my favourite dragon. I fall back into that teasing flirtatiousness very easily. I find that kind of cute, almost innocent, yet dangerously sexual teasing not only very me and very pleasing to others i find i revel in the perception of being this innocent corruptible girl. Mostly because that perception is not so far from the truth. I know i have that innocent air to me. I am painfully aware of it sometimes wishing i could be this sexual siren. It never happens though. The innocence always comes out. I blush to easily. I do tremble at the smallest thing. I keep this wide eyed innocence through pain, humiliation, teasing, control and domination. A lot of subs kind of turn to very pliant, glazed eyed submission. Not me. That innocence still shines through. I know that people have told me this trait is endearing, but sometimes i don’t want to be the endearing one i want to be the cause of bitten lip squirming. Not by being dominant. oh no, by being this deeply sexual, amazingly wanton girl toy. And i guess this is where the thoughts of being called little girl comes in again. I suppsoe i am in a way. I crave reward from being pleasing. I crave the attention and i want to be controlled, and i don’t nessacerily mean sexually. Perhaps more fully than i am now. I don’t know. The not so chance encounter of a blog by little girl has made me feel a little more comfortable with this side of me and with the pet name little girl and left me with sweet thoughts in my head about my ways.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on June 4, 2008.