To the sweet Mistress I serve.the

With a heavy heart i write my last post in here for a while knowing it is only by chance i have free time tonight and that the router hasn’t already been taken by my flatmates, as it will tomorrow because the internet at their new place is being turned on. I tremour inside knowing i am going to be away from my Mistress for so long. I have gotten so used to her sweet voice, her being such an integral part of my day. And i know that by Friday i will at least be able to call her and hear her sweet voice again.. Even the thought of being away from her for a day brings about a sadness in me. And it scares me a little. I had not expected my devotion to grow soo much in so short a time and then to have that contact taken even briefly brings about a cold yearning in my heart. One i had not expected. I am not sure i have felt this level of devotion before so quickly or the desire to serve Mistress fully and completely with as little hesitation. And yet in my head, with all i have thought there are very few doubts. I know I am impulsive, i am rash.. I have thought am i just reaching out for someone And having been there just very recently i know i am not. That lesson has been well and truely learned and in this feeling i currently have that desire to be wanted is not the driving emotion behind my feelings.

I want to serve, completely… I would kneel at Mistress’s feet and offer my devotion, my submission ,freely and without hesitation with no thought of myself. Just the happiness of my Mistress.  I curse being on a different continent, I really do because i have found a Mistress that I click with. That happens rarely, trust me, and the desire to be closer burns. To be nearer to her, to not have to worry about international calling, or the inconsistencies of skype. To be able to follow my heart. It burns. I sit sometimes, when i have a minute to myself. Especially in the garden i will in a few days say goodbye too, looking up at the moon in the sky, or the birds in the air and i think . I think of what might be. I know that it is a long way away and i know that the likelihood of it is small but i imagine myself at Mistress’s feet. I can see myself kneeling to her, bending to her will whatever that might be. I can see me being hers in submission. And i see myself strong in that role. Because to yield is not to be weak. I can see myself being that that she wishes me to be. A dream i kno.. and i am not sure i should even write this. But it is my inner feelings and i have been thinking on them for a little time now.

~ by chyldeofthenorns on May 19, 2008.